Every year my little town has a carvinal at the local park.  It is always a couple weeks before July 4th and the last night there are fireworks.  I do not know why they don't do it the week of July 4th.  That is besides the point.  So, yesterday evening I went down there with my mom, my brother's gf and my niece, Abby, so that she could ride some rides. It was not very enjoyable.  Please tell me why carnivals bring out the creepiest, dirtiest people?  I hate to be cruel...but if you've ever wanted to see "white trash", visit a carnival.  Also,  I really believe that smoking should be made illegal.  Forget the blah blah shit about people's right to do whatever they want to their own body, what about the people around them?  Why do they have the right to harm my health?  The amount of smoking down there was just disgusting.  My eyes were pouring water by the end of the night.  You know, it is supposed to be for the kids, and yet you have to risk your child's health just so they can ride a few rides.  The carnival workers were also, dirty, creepy, and mean.  All old men...all really creepy.  Is this like a criteria for being a carnival worker??  The best part of the evening was walking back home and watching the fireworks from our back porch.

P.S.....Come to think of it...I remember a July 4th growing up when we went up to Lake Erie and watched fireworks at some kind of shindig, and again with all the people smoking, and we missed the fireworks and ended up in the ER with my mother having a severe asthma attack.  OUT LAW SMOKING!!!  Also, why do all the people smoking always have a swarm of toddlers and infants with them.  Child abuse.  The end.

No, I didn't watch it.  I would have if I wasn't at work.  However, I have seen clips and I have my bro's gf record it on DVR for me. 

It is crazy though the really negative and rude comments I have seen on FB about it.  I don't understand why it pisses people of so much.  I thought it was really fun.  It is history.  It is a fairy tale wedding.  It is something fun to focus on in the midst of living with a divided country, soaring gas prices, civil wars, natural disasters, etc.  Some people apparently HATE happiness.  I do have to say that all those really negative comments on FB all came from single people...hmmmm...maybe they are secretly jealous???  IDK.  One of the things people want to say is look at all the money they wasted.....well people waste money every day...even the average joe....it just isn't on the same scale...and seriously...if I had all that money....I would have a kick ass wedding too...fo REAL...lot's of bling,yo....haha.  Anyway....I think they are a beautiful couple, I hope they stay together and are very happy.  They seem legit...but I know they have a hard life.  I might trade places wit them for a day to have that awesome wedding...but I wouldn't want to trade lives with them.. I am sure the pressures are super crazy...not that being married and keeping up a relationship isnt hard enough on it's own. So to all the haters...give me a break...smile once in a while.

Today my brother Matthew and his wife Kylene threw my niece, Emily a party for her 5th birthday.  Family and friends were there, and of course they included my other brother Adam, his gf Meredith, and their daughter Abby who is just three months younger than Emily. 

My brother Adam and I have had a very strained relationship over the years.  He is just a weird person in general, but was also abusive to me growing up, got me involved in drugs, pornography and the like.  We've had a lot of problems over the years.  In recent years a big issue between us has been race.  My brother does not like other races and he especially is degrading to black people.  I have always been into R&B and hip hop music and enjoy Tyler Perry plays and the like.  I can remember him telling me one time as I watched the BET Awards in our living room, that I like black people too much.  So when I married my very Black, very African, very Muslim, husband, obviously he didn't take it well AT ALL in the beginning...though it should NOT have surprised him.  But I feel like over the past few years he has gotten a bit better.  But then things like tonight remind me that no matter how my brother ever acts or how together I think he is getting it, I will never ever ever trust him. 

You see, I got Emily among other things for her birthday, the DVD of The Princess and the Frog and my sister had gotten her some Princess and the Frog stickers.  Both times Abby said Ewww and made comments that I didnt' quite catch, but I am pretty sure were in reference to it being a bad movie.  Meredith looked at me and of course pinched Abby and kept telling her to be quiet and don't say it.  And I was like WTF??  I could also tell that Meredith was uncomfortable and wouldn't look at me.  Preceding this event...there was a time last year when Abby was like "I don't like Papis (my husband), he's all brown".  This REALLY pisses me off, because I KNOW she is getting this shit from her parents. It isn't like she came up with not like someone because they are black and not like a movie with a black princess all on her own at the age of four.  I already know my brothers true feelings when it comes to black people, and I know Meredith's as well.  Before, I was ever with my husband she told me that she doesn't like black people and she doesn't feel comfortable around them.  I honestly don't give a fuck what they think, but it really really bothers me that my precious niece who I love dearly is picking up their racist attitudes as such a young age.  She isn't just "picking up on it", I am quite certain that they deliberately and blatantly are teaching her these things.  Like that she should not like the Princess and the Frog and can't watch it. 

I don't know what to do about it.  I haven't told my husband because I don't want him to be uncomfortable around my brother or treat Abby differently because she is being taught racist ideology. But at the same time I am really angry and want to vent these things to SOMEONE.  I really just want to cuss my brother out and tell him what a racist prick I think his is as well as being a self righteous hypocrite.  He and Meredith both tend to act like they are holier than thou and are better than other people, ESPECIALLY when it comes to how they are raising their daughter, and I am like what the hell, not to point fingers but you are the unwedded cohabitors with one illegitimate child and another on the way, so how the hell do you find yourselves so fucking righteous?  Not to mention you are racist as fuck and yet claim to be "Christians".  But I know cussing them out won't solve anything or do any good.  Unfortunately though, it makes me want even more to move away from here so I can isolate myself from him and his family.  I love Abby dearly and I would miss her, but I don't care if my brother is not a significant part of my life.  That probably seems cold, but it is a lifetime of bad things between us that makes me feel this way.  I honestly thing it is just better in general if I have very SMALL doses of him.